A Man for Consolation

Life likes to test me. God knows why, but it seems that someone or something has long since decided to constantly, continuously, and with admirable regularity test my endurance. Just recently, for example. Not only are I being flocked to parties and events that I have to, and most often I also want to attend — and which cost me both a bit of stress and a lot of energy... But I'm also beset by subsequent disasters: sometimes the phone fails me at a crucial moment, sometimes Mummy regales me with a report about a leaky tap, sometimes a buddy complains about the wall, and sometimes a colleague accuses me of lacking affection for her extraordinary personality.

What to do in such moments, how to cope with another cyclone? Yes, I accept the solacing of my Beloved Publisher that “people disappoint” as a statement of fact, as unpleasant as it is obvious. But I accept it even more as an intellectually sophisticated form of consolation. Which does not change the fact that it is a consolation of a poor kind. And it does not improve the situation much, both substantively and emotionally…

And, unfortunately — I admit this with a mixture of distaste, embarrassment, embarrassment, and even despair — only a man can provide comfort to a woman. A guy. A man.

It is possible that the situation concerns a real woman and a real man. I will not delve into it. And yet, in the history of my presence in this vale of tears, a man has acted at least a few times. Whether it was on the principle of a wedge with a wedge (the late Joanna Chmielewska would be so proud of me…!), or as a balm, or as an effective forget-me-not – he did his job. And praise him for that and my eternal gratitude. Specifics? Here you go!

For a broken heart

Yes, even I, a seemingly strong and carefree woman, have experienced such a situation once in my life. That I said to myself after everything ‘never again’ — that’s just one side of this bitter coin. That all my friends at the time, led by Iwona Katarzyna Pawlak herself, tried to help with my broken heart — I also appreciate it and let no one think that I forgot our nightly conversations and walks in the November sleet…!

And then, completely out of the blue for me, a guy entered all this. That in less than half a year he turned out to be a completely defective copy and actually a guy-like product — that’s a very insignificant detail in the whole story. The important thing is that the guy entered life, crossed out the author of the broken heart with one sentence — specifically with a question, but a rhetorical one — and the trouble was over.

A wedge with a wedge

As has been said, that guy may have worked on my broken heart, but he didn’t do anything more on his own. On the contrary — shortly, he began to cause me more and more trouble, so I had to say goodbye to him forever.

But I would not be myself, however, if I hadn't done it with my usual audacity, self-distance and a bit of imagination. So I said goodbye to him with a short but meaningful letter — and went to the competition, namely to another guy, who not only worked together with the first one, but was even friends with him...! And because I had entered his hands as suddenly as I did with great force, and even greater charm, the guy was as happy as a flock of larks in spring and welcomed me with open arms. Thanks to which my revenge on the first one turned out to be all too effective. But that successor quickly began using his masculine spells, tricks and general, typical of men, bothering my head, not to mention other parts of my body. And in the process, he filled a large void after the first one, because an idiot is an idiot — but I had already managed to get used to those nice evening conversations, to innocent flirtations and subliminal messages, to compliments and the feeling that I was quite an important element of someone's life.

And here, quite consciously, I decided that there was something to it. That there was some kind of mystery, maybe even magic — but I had just unravelled it, figured it out, understood it! Well, a man is the best for women's dilemmas, doubts and weaknesses — for women's pain in life!

That guy treated me for a good few years. Yes, he pissed me off and irritated me with his masculine — that is, very limited view of the world; he drove me crazy with his chauvinism and narcissism — here I warn all women in the world that this is a dangerous mixture and sows only destruction and devastation in our female beings. With him, I had murderous thoughts and depressions, into which he himself first led me, and then skilfully led me out... The main thing, however, was that he had a soothing effect on many objective nerves — those with which life showers us day after day like a hand in hand and bestows us with too much generosity. At some point, however, the murderous thoughts about him started to grow, but the regret of everything that had happened was still big enough to not bother with the murder — too much. And maybe I would have stayed in this unhappy stagnation to this day, but... Another guy loomed on the horizon...!

Without emotions

As he himself — certainly openly, authoritatively and evidently sincerely — claims, he has no emotions towards me. He just simply really likes talking to me.

Which does not stop him from spending (my favorite!) long and sometimes very nightly conversations with me. And sometimes these are morning hours — for a good start to the day, week, month. Sometimes any reason is good. The important thing is that there is a real dialogue: substantive, with a thousand stage directions and a million digressions; intellectual excursions into areas that often astound me; on all topics absolutely without exception, sometimes (maybe even often?) very difficult. Sometimes we start with current politics and end with the post-war history of Wrocław. Sometimes a quote from literature is a provocation, and George Michael comes out on the ‘finale grande’…

It varies. The main thing is that there is no emotion.

We have now had two rows of the most fiery kind behind us. However, after individually considering all the other party’s and our own wrongdoings, and also under any pretext — we came back. In small and initially uncertain steps — the main thing is that we came back. Although of course without emotion.

With or without emotions — but he stood by me like the Great Wall of China in October last year, when my Uncle died, and I — oh my! — had to publish a magazine dedicated to November memories. With angelic patience, he listened to my complaints and grievances about life, my dilemmas whether I could have prevented my Uncle’s death, and my general morning and evening tears. He sat and listened. He was a great comfort. He did not comfort with cheap compliments, but with his sheer willingness to listen and be.

And he was.

Whatever ever happens to us or between us — I will never, ever forget that October week!

P.S. It goes without saying that I absolutely do not believe in this lack of emotion. But why should I depress the guy with my insight? Let him think that I believe. Heck! In order to maintain my great faith in his words, I have pointed out to him expressis verbis more than once or twice that this lack of emotion is unpleasant... And that, well... Life. Can be cruel...!